Consequences of my Choices

 The consequences of my choices are rough. I want to get my mind out the past. I did it, can admit it, now I want to move forward. I feel stuck in a way though.

Some people think you can't blame what happened to you in life in regards to particular behaviors. Yes df you can. You started drinking at 14 because you saw something absolutely horrible happen? That something caused PTSD??? I understand. We do these things to ourselves not really thinking or even caring about the later consequences. The possible problems done line should stop us. But when you're in the midst of it, good/common sense isn't easy to tap into. 

When you later become an adult, accountability has to take place. No one can discredit what trauma tragedy has caused you. Many, manyyyyyy people have an unhealthy response to trauma. I mean phuq, look at me. I'm a walking example of it. The life you have to live after some of those poor choices, after the destructive behavior though...it's just not worth it. It can further the depression, the struggles, the stress, the fears, the pain. And who wants that?

I'm sorry to me. I'm sorry to anyone any of my actions affected in some way. I ask for forgiveness, while also asking for understanding. I did myself the worst. Far worse than anyone else could. Upon entering the 30s I realized just how much I truly did not deserve that. 

You can't go all the rest of your days though dwelling on what you should've said, and what you shouldn't have done. You lEARn from it all the lessons and apply them. Lessons learned from life is knowledge added to living. I believe any one can turn things around. The more you did the harder it'll be to change. But change is possible for anybody willing to. 

Right when you make the conscious decision to make changes in your life, you start to see the ways to do it. You see what you need to stop doing, who you need to not be around much, why you thought the thoughts and felt the feelings, how you can get to a much better space in life, mentally, physically, emotionally, socially and spiritually and where you truly want to be life.

Tenet nosce. Gno yourself! Self dis-covering can be painful but it hurts so good. To gno, is to grow. Ahh growth, it blessed me greatly. I would not have done the things I did to myself if I knew I was all that I am. I am red resonant earth, a 2/4 Mental Projector here to guide, a moon child birthed with many gifts, a sapiosexual, an odd nerdy girl lol, kind hearted, an intellectual who's still very willing to learn more and more, a comedian 😂, a mother, a woman, beautiful and wonderfully designed. Tell yourself the good things. Speak life to your hEARt. You are worth it, you deserve it and you'll be/feel so much better for it. 

Love, peace, joy can be yours. Happiness can happen. I hope it does for us all.