We Can

 

I will always wish I didn't make life so much more difficult. Things were quite hard from nearly the beginning. I have broken my own heart, shattered my mentality. And I absolutely did NOT have to do that. I'm trying with all my might to end bad habits I've picked during my darkest times. It is incredibly arduous.

I feel for people who seem to never get it together. Be it they tried to and just couldn't get there for some reason. Or they felt like they'd fail anyway and decided they don't care anymore. I have an understanding of things like that, of those circumstances. I'm exhausted. I'm constantly praying for things to be easier. I want to trust that it won't get beyond what I can truly bare. But I can't ignore that it happens. Or at least it gets to a point where it feel like it does. There are people taking themselves out of this life. I'm not trying to scare anyone that cares about me with this. To be honest, I don't believe I'll ever do 'that.' The thoughts don't cross my mind as they have before. But there are times where I wonder am I meant for long here? I certainly want longevity. I also want everyone to be ok if it's otherwise.

Ugh I hate fear. I wish I can just have what I want. All the good we all want, why can't we have it? I told my brother I realize I cry more as an adult than I did as a child. We laughed but I meant it lol

I need to stay in the present. I mostly get like this when unpleasantry is ahead. I can't help but think of the risks. Add on top of that most of the shit I and my baby goes through is MY fault. All I can do is say I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry.

I need things to be ok. I need it all to work out. I'm begging for everything to be alright. Oh how I wish I could be sure of it. Maybe I can?

Can I have my say so? I say we will be victorious. 🙏🏽