I changed my profile picture to my babyhood. A much happier time for me in life. Momma was alive, the house was full of family and I felt loved. I wish Lisa could grow up like that. This all hurts.
I cried and cried today. I feel like my life is in shambles. Thank God for my baby because she's the only reason I'm here. I love her. I love love love my daughter. I want to be better for her but change is so hard. I'm having a VERY hard time.
I think I need maybe one day away. Have I said this before in blog?? Well I must really need it than. I did not know I wouldn't have anyone to regularly give me some time to myself. I wonder is this even healthy for Lisa seeing me ALL the time. I never leave the house. She doesn't leave the house. We are here unless there's an appointment for her. I constantly have to cancel my appts. because she can't go and I can't get anyone to watch her. I'm supposed to see a Cardiologist on the 23rd. Hopefully I won't have to cancel. I do feel like I need to be seen.
Does anyone realize what I'm going through???! NOBODY LETS ME HAVE SOME TIME ALONE. Like am I wrong for wanting at least half a day to relax and not have to be responsible? I'm tired of doing all the duties by myself. My sister helps a tiny bit. Lisa's dad acts like we don't exist some times. And my baby bro who was actually quite helpful is away. I fall asleep after hours and hours being awake trying to get things done. Lisa destroys things when I'm not up looking at her. Do I really have to stay up 24hrs!?
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