It's For the Child(ren)

You'd be 50 this year

The year that is hurting my feelings and breaking my heart

Just like 15 years ago, when I lost you

I've messed up so bad

Gave up and got so sad

I stopped brushing my teeth, combing my hair, bathing, going outside, talking

For so many days I didn't utter a word

Nights I couldn't sleep, I stayed up to make sure everyone kept breathing through the night

Food was my comfort, it made me smile

So I ate and ate until I couldn't move

I loaded myself with junk and now my blood tests results show strangers in med labs how messed up I am

After you died, all I did was breath

You stopped breathing and I stopped living

It's like I died too,

I wanted to

Now all I want to do is live,

But I don't know how to.